So maybe its because I had to leave Cambry in the hospital instead of taking her home when I was released, or because a week later I had the most amazing adoption experience with an incredible birth mother and an awesome couple, or because I am quitting my job soon, but Adoption has been on my mind.....and since November is National Adoption month I thought I would put my two cents in about my experience as a caseworker.
I remember the first time I witnessed a birth mother relinquishing, I remember her holding her precious little girl, tears falling down her face, her mom sitting on the couch next to her, and her friend who was supporting her sobbing. Yet somehow the spirit was incredibly strong in that room amongst all the sadness. I remember hearing the caseworker reading the documents and thinking, "These are so harsh, I don't know if I can do this to a person, why is there nothing in here about the unselfish, loving, amazing person, she is?," The moment the birth mother actually placed was also very tender, and I remember the spirit testifying to me that this baby was where it was supposed to be.
The time I have spent working in adoptions for the past three years has been a roller coaster of emotions and an experience to say the least.
I think I have experienced a lot of joy to be part of such a.....I don't even know the words to describe this job.
Some wise person once told me that, "Social work is a very rewarding job, however it can also be a job that takes and takes and takes and gives very little."
Working in adoptions and for a "very great agency" has spared me some of this "taking," however there have been moments that have been very challenging and that I did not anticipate.
Sometime in this adoption world I think people think just because I am a caseworker, I am immune to emotion because this is what I am paid to do. I have read on others blogs that they felt caseworkers were insensitive or didn't care about what was happening. I don't know the whole story obviously, but I can share from my experience that when one of my couples have grieved over a failed placement, I have gone home or gotten off the phone and bawled to my husband, I have prayed for comfort and understanding for them and myself. When my birth mothers places, it hurts to watch them sign paperwork making such a wonderful and beautiful thing possible, when a couple sits in my office and shares how infertility has affected them, I often wish I could just give them a baby on the spot, when a birth mother cries to me about the promises the couple she chose and placed with has not written or sent pictures like they promised, my blood boils, when a couple yells at me over agency policies it hurts.
Not all of the experiences are bad or hard
there have been some very rewarding experience such as; when a birth mother is so grateful and loves her couple and how they have been incredible to her and she knows without a doubt her baby is with "the right parents and where they are supposed to be." When she shares her pictures with me week after week it is all worth it, when I have been able to see a birth mother get married after going through this tough experience, I have spent hours at a hospital so that a couple could come and see their baby for the first time, when a couple has sent me a card, expressing their gratitude for my work-it means the WORLD to me, when I have been invited to attend sealing sessions-to see the end result of a baby in white with their parents-it testifies to me that although this job it hard-it is special and sacred.
I have had experiences that will change my life forever.
I have seen miracles.
I met a birth mother for the first time who was wanting to place her three month old son, and and soon as I walked into the room, the Holy Ghost told me where this child needed to be
I have been in placements where the spirit is so strong in the room-every person is crying.
I have seen birth mothers who don't want to place, but do because they know it is the right thing and that their babies deserve PARENTS.
I have been able to be the one who places an infant in the arms of a waiting mother.
I have been prompted to show families to birth mothers-and they have walked out of my office crying knowing that they finally have found "THE FAMILY."
Despite that hard times and the hard experiences I have had.....I love ADOPTION.
I know that these children who are placed are going to the right homes.
I know the women who bring them into this world do an extraordinary act of love, they do something that is so unselfish. They complete families, they fill an emptiness, they restore
Hope.
And the amazing couples provide homes.
Provide a mom and a dad-and so much more.
They also restore hope.
I never chose social work because of the money, I chose it because I wanted to help people.
I wanted to change lives.
Not to say that I have changed lives, but I have seen lives change because of adoption, I have been a witness to those changes.
I don't share these experiences to preach or complain, but just to share a different perspective, one that is probably not heard often,
and to give you an idea of what it is like to facilitate adoptions.
I try to always advocate for adoption and want there to be a positive image in the society.
I will be forever grateful for the experiences I have had and for
being able to be part of this amazing work.
They are memories that I treasure and experiences have helped shape
the person that I am.
Thanks to the many birth mothers who make adoption possible and
especially to those I have worked with thank you for letting me be a part of your adoption.
And to the many couples as well for they to are part of this amazing process.
I wrote a comment and here it is:
Hi, I am just passing through I don’t know you but I just often find myself looking for peace and comfort in others stories. I felt compelled to click on your name I just read the bit on adoption and I was touched! I am adopted and just recently became a birth mother to a couple that is why I have this blog, they share with me and I write to share my thoughts and emotions with those who will read. I cried the whole way through your piece on adoption and being a caseworker!! Maybe you would like read my story and maybe email me from time to time I would love to chat!
This was her response back
Hi Marisol-
First I want to thank you for your kind words on my blog. I wrote that at 2:00 in the morning while I was feeding my little girl. I just wanted to share how adoption has impacted my life as I am sure you realize that once you get into adoption you can not be affected. I went to your bog immediately and began to read your story. I have to tell you the craziest thing is that I used to be in the same ward as the Booths. How small of a world is that!!! I told me husband that they looked really familiar and he said "Honey they were in our old ward." I just want to tell you that you have an incredible story and I love how truthful you are. I wish more people could understand adoption and what birth mothers go through to choose a family and to choose adoption. My husband laughs at me because I am constantly talking about my job or correcting people when they start to talk about adoption and don't have a clue. I am sure you have come into contact with these people. Well I guess it is up to us educated people to set them right. I hope that you are healing and enjoying time at school. (I don't know if you have gone back yet) I look forward to getting to know you better and seeing pictures of your beautiful little Elena.
2 comments:
Thank you for all that you share. I too cry all the time while reading your blog, especially the letter written by the social worker and reliving that day in the hospital. The most emotional day of both our lives I am sure. Not a day goes by that we don't thank our Heavenly Father for you, for Elena, and the gift of being a family. She brings us so much joy, more than we ever though possible. You are touching so many lives through your gift, adn your example. Thank you.
I just found this post. It means so much to me that ou shared it on your blog. I love keeping up to date with how you are doing and feeling these days. I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas.
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