The chair that Randy was ROCKED in

and NOW ELena is beeing ROCKED IN!!

Have you ever been ALONE with God?

Our Solitude with HIM

Jesus doesn't take us aside and explain things to us all the time. He explains things to us as we are able to understand them. The lives of others are explained for us, but God requires us to explain our souls. It is slow work - so slow that it takes God all of time and eternity to make man or woman conform to His purpose. We can only be used by God after we allow Him to show us. the deeper, hidden areas of our own character. It is astounding how ignorant we are about ourselves! We don't even recognize the envy, laziness, or pride within us when we see it. But Jesus will reveal to us everything we have held within ourselves before His grace began to work. How many of us have learned to look inwardly with courage?

We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. That is always the last bit of pride to go. The only One who understands us is God. the greatest curse in our spiritual life is pride. If we have ever has a glimpse if what we are like in the sight if God, we will never say, "oh, I am so unworthy." We will understand that this goes without saying. But as long as there is any doubt that we are unworthy, God will continue to close us in until He gets us alone. Whenever there is any element of pride or conceit remaining, Jesus can't teach us anything. He will allow us to experience heartbreak or the disappointment we feel when our intellectual pride is wounded. He will reveal numerous misplaced affections or desires - things over which we never thought He would have to get us alone. Many things are shown to us, often without effort. But when God gets us alone over them, they will be clear.

His Solitude with Us

When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or even a new friendship - when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then HE begins to TEACH US!!

As you journey with God, the only thing he intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will be absolutely confusing to you. We think we understand an other's struggles until God reveals the same shortcomings in our lives . There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to get us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quite all our intellectual questions and get ALONE WITH HIM!!

God's Silence - Then What?

MY WORDS OF THE DAY!!!

Has God trusted you with His Silence- a silence that has great meaning?

God's silences are actually HIS answers. Just think of those days of actually His answers.Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your Life? Can God trust you like that or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but his silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you can not hear God, you will find that he has trusted you in the most intimate way Possible -with the absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of possible - with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise him- He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purpose. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God's sovereignty. TIME is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, "I asked God to give me bread, but He gave you a stone instead" Matthew 7:9 He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the Bread of Life!

A wonderful thing about God's silence is that His stillness is contagious - it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can be honestly say, "I know that GOD heard me." His silence is the very proof that He has . As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, he will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayers is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the First sign of His intimacy- SILENCE!!

How time Passes

Seven weeks ago how Life Changes!!

Shame and Distress

"I will bless the LORD at all Times:

his praise shall continually be in my mouth . . .

I sought the LORD, and he heard me,

and delivered me from all my fears.

They looked unto him,

and were lightened:

and their faces were not ashamed."

PSALM 34:1, 4-5

I see it as; that even though we have distress; the First Step is

PRAISE. Before, you cry in your distress , bless the Lord:

even when troubles seem to overwhelm you.

That is our Lords Divine order of approach. Observe this

always.

In the greatest distress, searching until you find cause

for thankfulness. THEN BLESS and THANK!!

Then you establish a line of comunication between yourself and

Our Lord and with that Line let yourself cry, the distress follows too.

Thus, you will find that the Lord will do his part, and diliverance will be sure.

OH! the gladness of heart.

Lightened you will be, the burden rolles away, as a result of you looking for our LORD!

The Shame and Distress will be lifted too. That is always the Seconed Step.

First right with me, and then you will be righted too in the eyes of Men.

Six Weeks Old for Elena

She is Six Weeks NOW !!

October 12, 2008 and she has seen snow at home. I waited my whole life till 2004 when in SNOWED in Alice, Texas. It was December 24 my 22 birthday!
These are her grandparents Norman!
Here she is at Six Weeks Old!
This was after the trip to see her grandparents and her hair was all over the PLACE!!

HOW CUTE!!

October

Elena at the beginning of October at home!! She is growing strong. They say she can lift her head a bit as you can see in the picture. She is also sleeping longer through the night. She grows and looks happy and BEAUTIFUL! She will be sitting up soon. Looking at the World and all it has to offer.

Were not in TEXAS anymore!! said ELENA

Miss Texas

has arrived safely in

Utah

We arrived back in the land of Utah on September 18, only three days shy of 3 weeks in Texas. Despite the stress, expense, and problems encountered in our trip, we had a wonderful visit with family and would go back again. Now the reality of normal life is taking a toll on us. I (Randy) went back to work the next morning which meant that Caroline was now on her own during the day..... and night. This past week I have been working 12 hour days, it being parent teacher conference week. Caroline has been amazing. A month ago you would have never seen her up and about at 5 am on a daily basis. Nevertheless, sleep has become a precious commodity as seen in the pictures above.

This was taken around Sep. 18 2008
My comment to this blog!
WOW!! You both look TIRED beyond belief but content with the new LIFE style! SO I LOVE the MISS TEXAS!! That is PRICELESS for me and all us Texans!! LOVE YOU and keeping you in my Prays!(to get that good night Sleep you most definitely NEED!)
September 27, 2008 10:09 PM

Their First Days As a FAMILY

DAY 1 September 2, 2008

SHE is HERE!!

This is their own words to the the day they were able to take her home with them!!
When you see it in italicise!

Today has been a very difficult day for us, but is ending up quite well. We were able to bring a little baby girl home from the hospital. We are adopting a little girl from Texas. We have been in Texas for two days and it is an interesting place. We met with the birth mother and her family. They are wonderful people and we are grateful for the opportunity to get to know them a little. Today was hard because we had to watch a brand new mother sign away her rights to be a mother. It is an interesting dichotomy that everyone was excited for us to have a new baby and at the same time we were all incredibly sad for this mother giving up her biological child and two grandparents giving up their first grandchild and an aunt who so far has been unable to have children of her own. I have heard other adoptive couples tell what a wonderful experience the hospital was and I don't buy it. It was hard. But now we are home and so excited to have this little baby with us. We are still working on her proper name. My favorite submission came from my brother - Cindinapolis Alicopia Gorbonzobean (jk). But here she is all wrapped up like a pea in a pod, our little sweet pea!

Now for me this day was a trying on I was Happy every step of the way. Till it can to the documents and then began to cry. I would not be able to have me child know who I am and what I am capable of in this LIFE!! Although this whole time i could only think of what was BEST for her!! One I had signed and gave the baby to Caroline I could no longer stay the room!! i was happy for them. I just was not strong enough to see their excitement for myself i was wanting to move on and let go. Knowing that she is in good hand that I have chosen for HER!!

Day 2 September 3 2008

This little girl loves the night life! She kept us busy all night long and as soon as the sun came up she went back to sleep. She is doing great and as cute as can be. She won't sleep without at least one arm sticking out and she is a wiggler. She gets that from Caroline.

Day 3 September 4 2008

Hello from San Antonio, Texas! We decided to make the most of our time while we wait for approval to go home and we drove to San Antonio, home of the Alamo. This is a really beautiful city. We are excited to go explore the "riverwalk" this evening. This morning we took our little girl for her two day doctor's check up and she did great. She has gained 1/2 lb. since birth and the doctor said she was a little yellow and to put her in the window for a little while to help with the bilirubin. A two and a half hour drive to San Antonio hopefully did the trick.

What an adventure for a 4 day old baby! I know that she would being going lots of places with her new Family and this was nice to SEE.

Saturday September 13, 2008

They have chosen her name and it is beautiful.

This was my comment!!
WOW!! I am filled with JOY and overcome by tires, the name could not have been any better!! I know the Lord has blessed her and she will bless your family's. Keep in touch I know life will be much more busy but I also know it is a long time waiting for SUCH FUN!! Sending my LOVE to the THREE of you!!
September 15, 2008 2:08 AM

NOT able to Feel, ONLY Write!!

September 8 2008

Monday

Elena 8 days old!!

The above picture was an eye opener for me!
Look closely at theis photo!

It was taken at my home when Randy and caroline brought Elena to viist me. (Sep 8, 08)

First you See Elena and I -

- What Was!!

Then in the Gold mirror YOU see -

- Elena, Randy, Caroline and I . . . .

What is NOW a FAMILY!!

Keep looking in the gold mirror you

see Caroline AGAIN!

to me this was a sign of

Caroline becomeing

an

ETERNAL MOTHER!!

It reminds me of when I was a little girl, in the temple to be

sealed to my family!

Where you can see into the Eternitys!

This pictuere brought me

Peace and Reasurence

that me desion was a part of our Saviors plan!

*******************************************************


Came home and just could not think of anything. My mind wandered and was not set on anything, for the next two weeks - (Sep. 2, - Sep. 14, 2008). I was in a black space where you could not look out and that is where I felt safe and comfortable at this time in my life. These were thoughts I wrote during these two weeks!!

********************************

“The path is still being carved out” - there is no such thing as a defined route to happiness. At times in life you will find something new which may redefine your path. Just don’t be afraid to accept and embrace the change. Change is inevitable in life :) If you don’t, you might miss out on happiness and you might not get another opportunity. Opportunity knocks only once!!

************************************

There are times in all of our lives

where we’re treated very harshly and unfairly.

And no matter how hard we look for the justice
we find that it just isn’t there.
When we’re offended and in pain, our normal response
is to retaliate and somehow repay.
For we want that person to see how it feels
to have the heartache we’re feeling that day.
But as natural as it seems to want to get even
it’s the opposite of what God says is true.
For He is desiring that His servants be different
and be Christ-like in all that we do.
As incredible as it sounds, He wants us to repay them
with a blessing instead of more pain.
And He will give us the power we need to be kind
and the strength we need to refrain.
We have to trust Him and fully believe Him
Knowing His ways truly are best.
We have to be encouraged knowing He saw the injustice
and let Him give us comfort and rest.
The person who offends us is not declared innocent
by the kindness we place on their head.
But God takes all the heartache retaliation would bring us
and gives us a blessing instead.

****************************************

How can I explain?

How can I describe?

leaving me destitute

turning me into an empty shell;
I am wide awake

but my world is half asleep; voices telling me to carry on

but I am swimming in an ocean all alone;

I tried to go on like I should knowing you are
In good hands that I have chosen, but where I am going

is anybody’s guess!
I will not question

what has brought you here to me

but somehow, somewhere

it was meant to be.

You taught me more then I could have ever KNOWN!
With every step that I take,

I am more confident than before;

a thousand miles apart, I might be,

yet you will still be in my thoughts;
all good things must end,

as life is forever changing,
as I stand here, with emotions running deep,

I have nothing else to say

I have only words to comfort you when that time comes

I hope everything changes but you;

as I sit here, pen and paper in hand,

wondering about all that happened,

together, forever we will stay,

because you know in your heart

that I will love you always;
My Darling Angel

**************************************

"MY JOY. . . . . . . YOUR JOY"

"These things I have spoken to you, that My

joy may remain in you, and that your joy

may be full" (John 15:13)

Joy should not be confused with happiness. In fact, the joy of Jesus was his absolute self-surrender and self-sacrifice to His Father - the joy of doing that which the Father sent Him to do- ". . . who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross . . ." (Hebrews 12:2) "I delight to do your will, O my God . . ." (Psalm 40:8) Jesus prayed that our joy might continue fulfilling itself until it becomes the same joy as His! I allowed Jesus Christ to introduce His joy to me!!

These two families became ONE!

"Sharing”

By Elaine Tomlin

In the stillness of the morning –
In the hush before the dawn -

A cry screams through the silence -

And a new life has been born.

And she wonders what will happen -

To her newborn baby girl -

How she wishes she could keep her -

And protect her from the world.

But she knows that there are "others" -

Who would gladly give the world -

To have the chance to hold and love -

Her precious little girl.

And she prays to God for guidance -

As she holds that tiny hand -

With the desperate hope that someday -

Her child will understand.

So she bravely signs the papers -

And the tears fall from her eyes -

As she signs away her baby -

The light inside her dies.

One last kiss she gives her darling -

For the "others" have now come -

To claim the life she gave them -

Now a family has begun.

And with heavy heart she watches -

As they hold "their" little girl -

How she wishes she could somehow share -

A small part of their world.

But she knows this will not happen -

That for her it cannot be -

And always she will wonder -

About the child she'll never see.

NOW the times, they are a'changing -

And a new dawn has begun -

Soon ALL will be together -

With new hope for everyone.

The process began!!

AS I signed my Rights to Elena to

Her Eternal Family!!

Elena's Mothers!!

I will think of her every day of my life as

she grows with Caroline's soft touch to comfort her!

Three parents on different sides,
One Knowing that this is the Best for her Daughter,
the other Two receiving a priceless Gift for
our Lord through another's
Choice.
To Bless Her Daughter for now and evermore!!

A Life of Pure and Holy Sacrifice

"He who believes in Me. . . . out of his heart
. . . will flow . . . " (John 7:38)

Jesus did not say, He who believes in me will realize all the blessings of the fullness of God." BUT, in essence, "He who believes in me will have everything, and he who gives to Him receives from Him."Our Lord's teachings have always been anti-self-realization. His purpose is make a person like Himself, and the Son of God is characterized by self-expenditure. If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain, but what He Pours through us that really counts. God's purpose is not simply to make us beautiful, plump grapes, but to make us grapes so that He may squeeze the sweetness out of us. Our spiritual life cannot be measured by success as the world measures it, but only by what God pours through us - and we cannot measure that at all.

When Mary of Bethany "broke the flask . . . of very costly oil . . . and poured it on Jesus's head," it was an act of which no one else saw any special occasion; in fact, ". . . there were some who . . . said, 'Why was this fragrant oil wasted?' " (Mark 14; 3-4). But Jesus commended Mary for her extravagant act of devotion, and said, that where the gospel is taught, her story will be told (Mark 14:9). Our Lord is filled with overflowing Joy whenever He sees any of us doing what Mary did- not being bound by a particular set of rules, but being totally surrendered to HIM. God poured out the life of HIS SON "that the world through Him might be saved" (John 3:17). Are we prepared to pour out our lives for Him?

"He who believes in Me . . . out of his heart will flow rivers of living water"-and hundreds of other's lives will be continually refreshed. Now is the time for us to break "the flask" of our lives, to stop seeking our Own satisfaction, and to pour out our lives before Him.

Yes, I have poured out the GIFT the Lord blessed me with, to give to another! So that they may know the blessing of a family. AND that our Lord does answer Prays when he knows it is Time! I know that Elena's life will impact countless others.

There are NO Chance Meetings!!

"The Lord shall preserve thy going and thy comings in from

this time forth, and ever for evermore."

Psalm 121:8

All your movements, your going and coming, controlled by Our Lord. Every visit, all blessed by our Lord. Every walk arranged by our Lord. A blessing on all you do, on every interview.

Every meeting not a chance meeting, but planned by Our Lord.

Not only NOW, in the hour of our difficulty/joy, but form this time forth and forevermore.

So all suffering had its purpose It leads to perfection of character (the being glorified) and to the Union with Our Lord, God ,too. Think of, and dwell upon, the rapture of this.